herbie the love bug christine plymouth fury

Herbie Loves Christine

You know what’d be an awesome concept for a movie?  If Herbie the Love Bug fell in love with Christine, the murdering car from the Stephen King novel/movie.

Herbie’s a cute, innocent guy from the suburbs.  He doesn’t have much for power, but he’s got a lot of heart, and he’ll never give up on you.  He’s a “love” bug, after all.

Christine, however, is a girl from the wrong side of the tracks.  You fuck her over, she will ride into your living room, climb up your stairs, and dig her front tires into your lungs.

But Herbie sees Christine at the [INSERT NAME OF GENERIC INTERNATIONAL CAR RACE HERE] and falls in love with her, seeing more in her than she sees in herself.  He’s goes to great lengths to prove his love, but she continually rebuffs him, because he’s too nice.  He’s a Volkswagen, and she’s a psychopath.  She’s the girl all the bad guys want.

So there’s some scenes of Herbie trying to comically prove his love.  Maybe he holds up a car stereo playing Peter Gabriel.  Maybe he writes a note for her in burning tires.  And I bet there’s a scene where Christine sticks her tailpipe down the NASCAR announcer’s throat and Herbie takes the rap for it.  Because that’s what a gentleman would do.  She begins to see herself as more than just a vindictive demon-possessed piece of machinery with a thirst for blood, and maybe she can learn to love.

Then Bumblebee comes in, punches Herbie in the transmission, and steals Christine.

Bumblebee is a douche

Eric Juneau is a software engineer and novelist on his lunch breaks. In 2016, his first novel, Merm-8, was published by eTreasures. He lives in, was born in, and refuses to leave, Minnesota. You can find him talking about movies, video games, and Disney princesses at http://www.ericjuneaubooks.com where he details his journey to become a capital A Author.

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