So the other day I was driving home from work and thinking about stuff. For some reason that age old problem came to mind – could Superman have sex? The going theory is that Superman, on Earth, could only have sex with another Kryptonian. If he had sex with an Earth woman, say Lois Lane, he would ejaculate so hard that it would blow her brains out (see image). This is known as the “man of steel, woman of kleenex” problem. (And this is besides the issue of being pregnant with a super-baby that could kick its way out of your uterus). Some people think that it’s not an issue,…
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A Superman Hater Watches “Man of Steel”
Do I need to tell you my problems with Superman? No, I don’t. So I never planned to watch Man of Steel. Another origin story? Zack Snyder’s testosterone stink on it? Same damn villain? Same bland hero? Critical reception from poor to mixed? No thank you. I don’t need more Superman in my life than I have to. But then Nostalgia Critic released his video for it, so I figured, “Damn, guess I need to see this if I want to appreciate the NC review.” I encountered the same issue with “Avatar: The Last Airbender”, and it turned out well. So I regretfully put it on the Netflix queue, fully anticipating…
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Stories Someone Should Write: The Gangsta-Thug Superhero
I came up with this on Friday. You have a quite a few “normal kid given superhero powers” stories. I don’t know if it started with Captain Marvel, but it’s been a consistent trope through comic books. Spider-Man’s a famous example. It’s taken a darker turn with movies like “Chronicle” and “Kick-Ass” (power corrupts), but that’s mostly with straight white males. I want to know what would happen if a gang leader got superpowers. I’m not talking about a morally clean ghetto kid like Static or grumpy big black guy like Black Panther or Green Lantern (and obviously not a 1920’s gangsta). I mean a full dyed-in-the-wool, “Don’t Be a…
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The Books I Read: July – August 2013
The She-Hulk Diaries by Marta Acosta I had high expectations for this book — a novel about a superheroine who usually doesn’t make it past the comic books. I was hoping that, since Jennifer Walters is a lawyer, the book would be about some courtroom drama, a la John Grisham, but with the added complication of superheroes. Despite it being The She-Hulk Diaries, She-Hulk is barely in it. It’s more about Jennifer Walters, her human form, and her “girl problems”. The crux of the story is Jennifer tooling around, talking to her friend, and trying to get a job. She spends way too much time obsessing over boyfriends — past,…
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How I Would Write a Supergirl Movie
A few nights ago I foolishly kept myself up late in bed, thinking of how I would write a Supergirl movie. I’ve already talked about how Supergirl is an interesting character, and I believe, unlike Wonder Woman, she’s got a lot of story potential. Certainly more than Superman, who’s a bland, God-like, force of nature with no personality, no weaknesses, and nothing to lose. The unfortunate part is that most Supergirl’s vulnerabilities extend from being a “kept” woman. In the comic books, most of her storyline conflicts are about keeping her identity secret. At least in the silver age. Superman’s got the same problem but her’s are a little more crucial because…
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Late to the Game: Batman: Arkham City — First Impressions by a Fallen Gamer
The summer Steam sale (where a whole ton of games are super-duper-discounted) is big times in the video game world. I somehow managed to control myself, maybe because I’ve got two daughters and I know time to myself is more precious than gold. So I got two games–Quantum Conundrum, from the creator of Portal, and Batman: Arkham City. I decided to start Batman: Arkham City first. Not sure why. Maybe because I’d played Portal 2 for the second time a while ago and wasn’t feeling especially puzzle-y. Maybe because of “Dark Knight Rises” fever. I should note that I really haven’t played a real mainstream game for a long, long…
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Thoughts About Wonder Woman
These days I’ve been thinking about Wonder Woman. One of my daughter’s friends had a Wonder Woman cake for her birthday (four years old) so I know her fanbase isn’t dead. She represents something important to women. Someone who can hold their own with the other super-people. Someone strong enough to stand with the G.I. Joes and He-Men. Independent, strong-willed, powerful. And unfortunately, we’ll never see her again. Barry Lyga recently wrote an article regarding why we won’t see a Wonder Woman movie. He argued that Wonder Woman’s portrayal is too inconsistent for a proper story. I agree, but I take it to the next level — even the consistencies…
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The Books I Read: September – December 2011
Wow, it’s been a while since I did one of these, I almost forgot about them. The reason was that I hadn’t read enough books to necessitate a post. And you can blame this sucker: The Wise Man’s Fear by Patrick Rothfuss I started this in August and didn’t finish until December. That’s unusual for me. If I buckle down, I can read a book in a week, average. But this mother fucker is 750,000 words, 1,000 pages long. More on that in a second. This book continues the adventures of Kvothe, the redheaded magic-user who can do no wrong, but somehow still seems to. Half of the book continues…
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Sam Raimi’s Spider-Man Will Become Superman (1978)
Time will not be kind to Sam Raimi’s Spider-Man. I have come to this realization. Its the Marvel equivalent of Christopher Reeve’s Superman. It lit the fuse for superhero movies, but hasn’t nearly the explosive power its successors will (X-Men, Iron Man, etc.). The movies were a well-loved phenomenom now, but the trilogy is finished. And a reboot is months away, only ten years after the first. Why? I hardly need to say much that hasn’t already been said. Sure, they’re good movies. Sometimes great. Good casting. Well imagined. Fun special effects. And far be it from me to disrespect anything with Bruce Campbell in it. But Sam Raimi is…
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Top 9 Things DC Can/Should Do For Their Reboot (Part 2)
6. Make a bad guy into a good guy. Want to cause conflict and drama? Switch relationship roles. I’m not talking about when Two-Face gets rehabilitated and goes back to work. We all know he’s going to turn evil again just as soon as his plastic surgery gets ruined *again*. What if Two-Face fought for good? He is a former D.A. after all. It’s still in him. The Penguin doesn’t do much. What if he became the new Alfred? Can you imagine if Bane became a vigilante in the name of justice a la Casey Jones? Villains are so in right now. It worked for Megamind, and Darth Vader’s got…
