grocery store checkout
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Goddamn Grocery Store Wasting My Time

Today I was in the grocery store (something I can do in the middle of the day having no job and all) and since it was the middle of the day that means it’s all old ladies. Both servicing and being serviced. I was in the checkout line, and got behind two old wrinkled blue hairs. And they’ve all got their specialty items like organic frozen yogurt and non-GMO chicken and three boxes of Pagoda won tons. And they’re all slow about it because they’re old ladies. Slowly swiping stuff across the scanner. Slowly getting out the savings card. Slowly putting items in the bag. Slowly opening the bag. Slowly rolling the cart out of the door.

Anyway the first blue hair wasn’t the problem. But the second had some item that couldn’t be scanned. So the senior citizen checkout lady hands it off to the senior citizen bagger lady who hands it off to the service counter lady. Nothing happens there, so the lady’s got to go all the way back to frozen foods because it’s a damn bag of peas they can’t ring up. Meanwhile, I’m standing there getting more and more pissed off. The bagger lady suggests I might try another lane or the service counter, but I’m like “dammit, just hurry up”.

So we wait while she goes all the way across the store and then she comes back with nothing because I guess she had to hand them off to the store manager who must be the only person in the world who must give a damn about these peas. And I’m thinking “dammit, just ring up $3 in frozen. Is your precious ‘shrink’ worth an angry customer?” And the store manager that came back looked like she was twenty years old.

I’m so sick of these corporate rules handed down by someone eighteen seats away who hasn’t been in a real grocery store for years. Is it good customer service that you make the guy wait because there was some computer error sixteen weeks ago that made it so you can’t scan a bag of peas? Why do I have to suffer for the mistakes of others? Is that the corporate policy now? So that $3 worth of peas shows up on your registry?

Eric Juneau is a software engineer and novelist on his lunch breaks. In 2016, his first novel, Merm-8, was published by eTreasures. He lives in, was born in, and refuses to leave, Minnesota. You can find him talking about movies, video games, and Disney princesses at http://www.ericjuneaubooks.com where he details his journey to become a capital A Author.

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