venom bad guy

I Am All the Bad Guys

A week ago, I voluntarily went to a seminar/exercise about “workplace styles, motivators, and communicators”. I thought this would be good for me to learn ways to be a leader when you’re an introvert. (I’m supposed to be a tech lead in my new job, but so far I haven’t done anything leady yet. And I’m dreading it. None of my experiences with being a leader have been positive or yielded positive results. But you can’t advance in this line of work unless you take some kind of management role. )

Unfortunately, this seminar wasn’t what I thought it would be. I thought they’d bring in a speaker or professional expert on the subject. But it was just a guy who works here (at my new job). And I think most of the attendees were people on his team.

Not to say any of this is bad. The big disappointment was that the content wasn’t what I thought it would be.

I wanted it to be about how to make your personality work with other kinds. Like finding adapters and techniques to work with extroverts, charismatics, etc. It was more about knowing who you are. Well, I already know who I am. I’m ISTJ. Heavily introverted and judging, fair to middling on sensitivity/intuition and thinking/feeling. An analytical person.

personality test word cloud

A large chunk of this class was taking time to take a Meyers-Briggs test on 16 Personalities. I’d taken M-B’s before, but not on this site. It’s got a cute little interface. I found out that these days I’m an INTJ these days, which they label as “architect”. Doesn’t surprise me–the last time I took it, only one point sepearated my N from the S. They’ve also added a -A/T for “identity”, either Assertive or Turbulent (I’m turbulent, which means I like organization and plans). They even had a little list of TV and real-life people that match your personality.

The answers did not please me.

Let’s take a look at the list of so-called “Architects”:

  • Elon Musk (called a guy who rescued kids trapped in a cave a pedophile)
  • Arnold Schwarzenegger (steroid infused actor turned governor turned washout)
  • Vladimir Putin (current stand-in for Saddam Hussein as evil foreign leader)
  • Michelle Obama (former first lady – practically perfect in everyway)
  • Friedrich Nietzsche (asshole philosopher, claimed God was dead)
  • Christopher Nolan (makes films that seem artsy and depth but don’t make sense when you look past the surface)
  • Colin Powell (Republican politician – ’nuff said)
  • Samantha Power (UN ambassador — couldn’t find anything wrong with her, but I’m sure there’s something)
  • Walter White (Breaking Bad – made meth)
  • Petyr “Littlefinger” Baelish (Game of Thrones – manipulated several people into his own machination, including one resulting in the death of Eddard Stark)
  • Tywin Lannister (Game of Thrones – stood as judge of his son’s kangaroo court, killed by a crossbow on the potty)
  • Gandalf the Grey (Lord of the Rings)
  • Yennefer of Vengerberg (The Witcher – I have no idea who she is)
  • Katniss Everdeen (The Hunger Games)
  • Seven of Nine (Star Trek: Voyager – former Borg)
  • Professor Moriarty (Sherlock Holmes’ arch-nemesis)
bad guys club

Yeah, they’re architects. Architects of destruction. Do you see how many bad guys are on this list? How many villains? Even middling good guys I can point out some grievous sins, like Schwarzenegger’s love child with his maid, Elon Musk’s smoking up with Joe Rogan and dating some punky brewster. Even Gandalf constantly abandons his troupe.

And if they’re not bad guys, they’re jerks. Katniss Everdeen was always a bit of a two-faced pill, I thought. The only non-fictional one I could say is all good is Michelle Obama. Did everyone else’s list have this many assholes on it?

anakin skywalker

Why does life seem to keep trying to tell me I’m the bad guy. First I’m in Slytherin and now this. You have no idea how hard it is not to give in to selfish urges, to bite the bullet and do the right thing. It’s always so easy just to fulfill your whims. To eat that entire box of Rice Krispie Treats. To sit on the couch and not help with dinner. To leave your car skewed in that parking space. To buy things you’d like to have just because you want them.

There’s no earthly reward for being good, just for following the rules. You have to be GREAT. You have to be EXCEPTIONAL. Otherwise you’re just one of the cattle, one you don’t need to pay attention to because it never gets out of line. The only reason it stays good is fear. Fear of punishment, fear of consequences. The knowledge that if you do something, someone else is going to suffer and that means you have to give up your desires. It’s a bum deal man.

Couldn’t I have been anyone else from Game of Thrones? Not even Hot Pie? Or Ed Sheeran?

Eric Juneau is a software engineer and novelist on his lunch breaks. In 2016, his first novel, Merm-8, was published by eTreasures. He lives in, was born in, and refuses to leave, Minnesota. You can find him talking about movies, video games, and Disney princesses at where he details his journey to become a capital A Author.

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