There is no bad Christopher Walken performance, because that implies Walken can fail a movie. Movies can only fail Christopher Walken.
— Todd in the Shadows (@ShadowTodd) March 3, 2014
I feel like The Wizard of Oz has ALWAYS been 75 years old.
— Wonderella (@wonderella) March 4, 2014
I feel like every office has 3 people who do all the work and 15 people who just walk around with salads.
— Alex Baze (@bazecraze) March 5, 2014
do award-winning male writers sit around and try and think of ways to make describing sex as unpleasantly as possible
— AIMEE ❤ FLECK (@aimeefleck) March 7, 2014
Whatever she's going for– sexy, rebellious, sultry, punk rock– it just comes off as appealing as belching the ABCs.
— Noah Antwiler (@TheSpoonyOne) March 8, 2014
Once Fred Phelps dies how many horcruxes does Ann Coulter have left?
— The Volatile Mermaid (@OhNoSheTwitnt) March 17, 2014
"If you could take one thing from a burning house, what would it be?" THE FIRE. I WOULD TAKE THE FIRE AND PUT IT OUTSIDE. Easy. Next.
— Sacha Fernando (@sacha_is_good) March 21, 2014
Skipping just enough words of toddler books to keep the plot intact and not arouse suspicion, yet hasten bedtime, is a fine art.
— Teresa Strasser (@teresastrasser) March 24, 2014
LOS LOCOS KICK YOUR ASS
— Noah Antwiler (@TheSpoonyOne) March 29, 2014
FACT: You're going to have a surfeit of kid crafts. You must bury the weakest deep in the least used trash can. Along with your guilt.
— Teresa Strasser (@teresastrasser) April 1, 2014
When it comes to losing weight, everyone's looking for a shortcut on a one-way road. @BaldBryan #TheMoreYouKnow
— The More You Know (@acethemoreuknow) April 3, 2014
Mickey Mouse: Hey, so I'm seeing someone now.
— GHC (@Scriblit) April 27, 2014
Donald Duck: Me too.
Mickey: What's she like?
Donald: Me. But with a bow.
Mickey: Sounds hot.
It's white knighting to assume women can't defend themselves. It's not white knighting to stand with them against the shit thrown their way.
— John Scalzi (@scalzi) April 29, 2014
… and I want a Higgs Boson, and a unified field theory, and the solution to Maxwell's last equation… pic.twitter.com/qWkBM8LQkM
— Wil 'this account mocks fascists' Wheaton (@wilw) May 2, 2014
@wilw Sometimes I doubt your commitment to Sparkle Motion.
— Pat Rothfuss (@PatrickRothfuss) May 16, 2014
"There is an amazing animal! I think I'll kill it!" said no decent human being, ever.
— Wil 'this account mocks fascists' Wheaton (@wilw) June 11, 2014
"HAHA DADS LIKE GOLF!" – every Father's Day card
— Jeff Wysaski (@pleatedjeans) June 11, 2014
I get anxiety when Muppets try to figure out counting problems. "You know it's TWENTY, Elmo. Just say it! Say TWENTY. Help him, Abby. Jeez."
— Pamela Ribon (@pamelaribon) June 16, 2014
This is a thing: Greenscreen-clad workers who secretly flip models' hair during shampoo commercials. http://t.co/tfHvykkxS8 ht @MakingOfs
— Saladin Ahmed (@saladinahmed) June 26, 2014
If I could meet any famous person, living or dead, it wouldn't matter bc I'm too shy to talk to people I don't know
— Jeff Wysaski (@pleatedjeans) July 6, 2014
So over my school's idea of a financial aid system. "Oh just take out a bigger loan!" Uhm hello I care about my future…
— Morgan Hespenheide (@morgmorgjean22) July 10, 2014
say whatever you want about the new lady Thor but I bet S.H.I.E.L.D covers her birth control…
— Meth Lab for Cutie (@kiralc) July 16, 2014
Writing is a way of converting childhood trauma into very small quantities of money.
— Will Wiles (@WillWiles) August 23, 2014
You like-a the juice, huh?
— Todd in the Shadows (@ShadowTodd) September 3, 2014
Books aren't a test. You don't get points for difficulty. Not for recreational reading, anyway.
— Hilary Thomas (@airspaniel) September 9, 2014
