Authors I Would Like to Have Dinner With, Vol. 2

Peter David – I want to talk to this guy to figure out how to get his career going. He’s one of the funnest writers I’ve ever read, but he’s stuck doing Star Trek tie-ins and occasional comic book. He’s a kitty in a burlap sack named obscurity, and he needs to paw his way out. Besides that, he’s one of the few people whose writing style really strikes me. I find that comic book graphic novel writers make great novelists — Neal Stephenson, Richard Kadrey, this guy. If I can find out what he does and incorporate that into my writing style, I can develop my voice more.

I don’t know what kind of food he likes and I don’t know his nationality. He’s a big guy so maybe he likes hamburgers, or pasta. Maybe we can go to the Rennaissance Fair and share a leg of mutton. I think I’d like alcohol to be involved though. I can see me getting a good beer buzz and then doing some duet karaoke together. Or bowling.

William Shakespeare – Assuming the guy existed, it would be hard not to take up an offer to dinner with El Bardo. I’m really more interested in the guy for his plotting skills than his command of the King’s English. Not that I consider him a master plotter. Some stories like R&J and Othello were really great. Other stories like The Tempest, not so great. And I want to find out if inserting those bits of comic relief, like the clowns who make fart jokes in Othello, were required by the patron or he did it on purpose. Imagine what would happen if he had to put product placement in. Everyone would be driving Toyota Highlanders and using iPhones.

And of course, we’d have to have some of that olde style English food. Because there’s no way a guy from the 1500’s would be able to stomach a Big Mac. If it wouldn’t be the flavor, it would be the fat and sodium content that makes him hurl. I don’t want to be known as the guy who made Shakespeare vomit. (Let’s see if that keyword gets me any google hits.) So that means we’d be eating things like blood sausage and steak & kidney pie. It’s probably not as bad as it sounds, as long as I don’t get the plague.

Wil Wheaton – Dude, what couldn’t we talk about? Star Trek, video games, comic books, childhood memories of the 80’s. How awesome would it be to learn how to play Dungeons and Dragons from him? The guy is one of the flagship geeks of our generation. A leader for our time. If he married Felicia Day and had babies, the Singularity would occur.

There’s a lots of good places we could go, but Mr. Wheaton’s always talking about places with neat food and Arrogant Bastard Ale, so we’d go someplace like that. Then we’d go to the arcade. Good times.

Douglas Adams – The guy wrote both a top ten must-read science fiction novel and a top ten must-read comedy novel. The guy’s got a fantastically dynamic history as a writer of many mediums. Historic are his exploits as a deadline-misser. I recall hearing somewhere that, for the final episodes of the “Hitchiker’s Guide to the Galaxy” radio broadcast, he was writing script pages as the cast was on the air. They were reading their lines for the first time. I always wondered how he could get away with something like that. I’m way too work-ethic to pull that kind of stunt. Or I’m not impudent enough. Maybe I could a little something about that from the man.

Lot of English authors here, and I’m sick of eating English food. Let’s get some Taco Bell. I’m sure he’d have something to say about it. And Taco Bell’s always been on board with science fiction movies. Remember when Phantom Menace premiered and Jar Jar Binks was on frickin’ EVERYTHING?

Eric Juneau is a software engineer and novelist on his lunch breaks. In 2016, his first novel, Merm-8, was published by eTreasures. He lives in, was born in, and refuses to leave, Minnesota. You can find him talking about movies, video games, and Disney princesses at http://www.ericjuneaubooks.com where he details his journey to become a capital A Author.

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