People. This is an announcement. If you have a cell phone, YOU MUST HAVE IT WITH YOU AND TURNED ON. That is what it’s there for. If you don’t have it on you, or it’s off, then its just a plastic brick in your pocket. Its useless. And you’re useless. For god’s sake, this is what you bought a cell phone for – so people could contact you whenever they need to. You didn’t buy it so you could call people whenever you wanted, you bought it so people can contact you when they need to. Do you think people see a cell phone and think “gee, now I can contact him any time, so I will! I’ll call him before breakfast, and when he’s getting out of the bath. I’ll call him after he takes a shit to see how it went.”
You have a cell phone so people can get a hold of you when it’s necessary. For example, if your wife gets a wasp sting, and you have no idea if she’s having an allergic reaction, because it’s the first time she’s been stung, but she’s feeling nauseous, dizzy, and she’s seven months pregnant. And you can’t get a hold of mom, dad, or your doctor brother whose had multiple stings and knows what to do – at either their home or cell numbers. Where the fuck are you people? Why don’t you have goddamn phone on you?
So, people. We’re living in an age of portable phones. They’re meant to be turned on and carried on your person at all times. It’s not just another line – it’s instant communication, and it’s meant to be used. Fucking use them already.