• resident evil 6 logo

    Late to the Game: Resident Evil 6

    What a load. The start of the game is bonkers-go-nuts. It throws you in the middle of a terrorist/zombie attack with no instructions on where to go or how to play or why you’re there. It’s been a while since I played Resident Evil 5 and I just finished Resident Evil 2 so I’m used to its slower pace. But all of a sudden I’m falling out of a helicopter and climbing up skyscrapers. What kind of tutorial is this? Can you not give me at least a little context? Mise en Scene is for movies, not video games. Plus I hate when they throw you in without a chance…

  • grand theft auto 4 box cover

    Late to the Game: Grand Theft Auto IV

    This game sucks. I tried playing this many years ago, but an irritating video stuttering issue stopped me. I thought I just needed a new graphics card, so I archived it until I got a new computer. Now I got a new computer, and it still plays like crap. I haven’t dived (dove? diven?) into a GTA game in years. Not since Vice City on my PS2 (which I still have). But I don’t remember it like this. I remember vibrant cities and fun stunt ramps and zippy motorcycles and colorful characters (they were misogynist douchebags, but it’s GTA–you have to expect some “unenlightened” material, just like you can’t be…

  • clone wars star wars cast

    Late to the Game: The Clone Wars

    Okay, so it’s not a game, but it’s on Disney Plus and it’s got all these characters I’m apparently supposed to know. They show up in other movies and shows and everyone freaks out and I’m supposed to know what it means. Who is Asaaj Ventress? Ahsoka? What is the “Bad Batch”? Bad batch of what? Brownies? So basically, I’m binge-watching to catch up on Star Wars lore. It’s… it’s not very good. The animation is cheesy and crappy. I’m not a fan of the character designs, from Ahsoka’s flat chin to Palpatine’s raisin skin. Everyone looks like an action figure. Which I suppose is expected, since that’s always been…

  • transistor stabbing video game

    Late to the Game: Transistor

    I really liked Bastion. I liked the atmosphere. I liked the art style. I liked the fantasy-Western aesthetic. I liked the music. I liked the simple hack-n-slash gameplay combined with the “earn upgrades to get new moves”. I’m a sucker for that kind of game–where the objective is “grow stronger to defeat your enemies”. So when I learned the same developers were creating a follow-up to their breakout hit, I jumped in feet first. It was going to be a little different–a computery cyberpunk feel and starring a slender well-to-do woman. But good art begets another. This game was called “Transistor” and released in 2014. I’ve attempted playing it three…

  • diablo logo

    Late to the Game: Diablo

    So I bought some retro games over the Coronavirus outbreak because my computer is too slow to play anything new (and has been for several years now). One of them was called Diablo, which passed over my radar when it made its big splash in the nineties. I think I played the shareware version of it (ah, ♪shareware♪) , but never got interested. I wasn’t into PC games then. I had an N64 and the world was my oyster. After playing Dusk I’d realized how much I missed my old Doom and Quake clones, so I bought Heretic and Hexen and some others like Warcraft, Warcraft II, and Diablo. The…

  • dusk header

    Late to the Game: Dusk

    Let me tell you about a game I’ve been playing lately. I don’t talk about positive things very much on this blog (especially lately) so allow me to gush for a few hundred words. Not even a gush. More of a spurt. It’s called Dusk. It’s a retro first-person shooter valentine to games like Quake, Doom, and Blood. Personally, I think it’s closest to Hexen II, but nobody played that game, so the comparisons are fine. It evokes the days when fireballs shot from nowhere, blood was arcing cubes, and there were no waypoint markers. These days I find myself liking the old games better than the new ones. My…

  • baldur's gate dungeons and dragons computer game

    Late to the Game: Baldur’s Gate

    So after my disappointment in The Witcher, I decided to try another old RPG — Baldur’s Gate (the enhanced edition). When I was younger I played a co-op game with my friend on the PS2 called Baldur’s Gate. This must have been something different than what I got now, because I remember blasting rats in the basement with magic missiles and getting excited at finding a +2 Sword of Frost that actually froze enemies. This is more like an RTS, like Command & Conquer or Starcraft, except without resource gathering. And you only get six guys. I did actually try this out when I got it, but the tutorial made…

  • the witcher cross-eyed

    Late to the Game: The Witcher

    I bought this on a Steam sale a LONG, long time ago, as part of a bundle with all the The Witcher games. The Witcher 3 was getting a lot of praise at the time. And I think Wild Hunt had come out? I think that’s like a expansion or the name of the “special edition”. Whatever it is, I finally started it after finishing The Stanley Parable and Torchlight. Well, first there’s the production logos. And then there’s a long cutscene (really a short cartoon) with The Witcher fighting this werewolf thing. It all seems very Van Helsing and Hansel & Gretel. Bunch of impossible jumps, collateral damage, and…

  • Legend of Zelda Breath of the Wild cover

    Late to the Game: The Legend of Zelda: Breath of the Wild

    So when I got my Switch for my birthday, I also got Super Mario Odyssey, Kirby: Star Allies, and The Legend of Zelda: Breath of the Wild. When I finished Skyward Sword, I had said no more to Zelda. I was sick of them getting the big new stuff right, but getting the old little things wrong. Like forcing obnoxious motion controls, repetitious & dumbass messages like “you got a red rupee! It’s worth (20) rupees!” for the hundredth time, weird-ass characters like Groose and Ghirahim (as unpleasant as he is unpronounceable). But everyone’s declared Breath of the Wild the bestest game on the Switch, nay, mayhaps the world, 10/10,…

  • Assassin's Creed logo

    Late to the Game: Assassin’s Creed

    This game is simply not that good. I do not know how it got a dozen sequels out of it, but playing the first did not make me want to play any others. It’s too repetitive and colorless. First thing I gotta complain about is the poor PC port. Couldn’t see the opening movie, but could hear it. Took forever to figure out a way to get my XBox controller emulator with it, and then it wouldn’t save the configuration. I ended up just leaving the game on all the time, so now Steam thinks I’ve played Assassin’s Creed for 142 hours. Either the data miners at Valve are going…