25 Favorite Tweets

If I had listened to 'the rules' back in 1990, there would be no Harry Potter. Stories about schools are passé. 95k words is too long.
— J.K. Rowling (@jk_rowling) November 9, 2017

The only rule is what works for you. People find that scary, so they try and grasp hold of a blueprint, but the only way is your way. https://t.co/XeW7NbQq4C
— J.K. Rowling (@jk_rowling) November 9, 2017

"It is difficult to be sat on all day, every day, by some other creature, without forming an opinion about them. On the other hand, it is perfectly possible to sit all day, every day, on top of another creature and not have the slightest thought about them whatsoever."
— Tony Goldmark (@tonygoldmark) November 11, 2017

This is а genuine conversation between Tony Blair and Bill Clinton. pic.twitter.com/4koxeqbPzj
— History Lovers Club (@historylvrsclub) November 11, 2017

I can’t confirm this with science but I like to think Queen Carrie Fisher is using her new heavenly powers to help us enact vengeance upon the scum of Hollywood
— Brii (@BriiMonster) November 11, 2017

This is Minnesota and those are Minnesotans.
Fuck off, you racist piece of shit. https://t.co/jJNpogSRmE
— Indignant Minnesotan (@IndignantMN) November 14, 2017

🐊closer to🦅than to🦎
🦕closer to🦅than to🐊
🦖closer to🦅than to🦕
🐡closer to 🐋than to🦈
🐢closer to 🐋than to🐸
🐫closer to 🐋than to🐴
🥕closer to🌹than to🌽
🍁closer to🌹than to🌴
🍓closer to🌹than to🥝
🍄closer to👪than to🌿
⭐closer to👪than to🐌
🦍closer to👪than to🐒
— Biolojical (@biolojical) November 15, 2017

If two tied-up Taiwanese Muay-Thai fighters wearing ties fighting over thai food got into tie fighters and fought to a tie would they be tied tied tied Thai Thai fighters with thai in tie fighters fighting to untie a thai tied tied tied Thai Thai fighter tie fighter tie fight?
— Jonathan H. Gray (Back Down South) (@jongraywb) December 12, 2017

pic.twitter.com/LOwucuLQ05
— Wholesome Memes (@WholesomeMeme) December 30, 2017

It’s pleasing to see that Hans Christian Andersen’s grownup Ugly Duckling keeps his Little Mermaid company pic.twitter.com/LZ6x82Lz0m
— Stephen Fry (@stephenfry) January 2, 2018

pic.twitter.com/Cm1xKsz5ez
— Wholesome Memes (@WholesomeMeme) January 7, 2018

All should appreciate the FBI speaking up. I wish more of our leaders would. But take heart: American history shows that, in the long run, weasels and liars never hold the field, so long as good people stand up. Not a lot of schools or streets named for Joe McCarthy.
— James Comey (@Comey) February 1, 2018

Take it from me: the game's in Minnesota so I'm putting all my money on the Vikings.
— Homer J. Simpson (@HomerJSimpson) February 4, 2018

Not into superheroes but I want to see Black Panther for the amazing costumes! Here’s an interview with their designer, Ruth Carter https://t.co/qTJJewtpyg
— Laura Miller (@magiciansbook) February 13, 2018

I will never understand why or how people play video games with the WASD set up. Using mouse to shoot?? Y’all are wild.
— Athena Scalzi: ASDQ (@AScalzi98) February 14, 2018

Children, I'm sorry we have failed you. We can't agree on our own stupid shit long enough to keep you safe. I hope you do better. I hope you live to do better. Do not forgive us. Move together, beyond our selfish agendas. Be better. Shame us with your strength and humanity. Amen.
— Christopher Moore (@TheAuthorGuy) February 19, 2018

Friends: What are you working on now?

Me: Same as last month! Very excited! 😊

Me, a year later: Same! Excited! 🙂

Me, after the apocalypse: Same! Same same same 🙃🙃🙃🙃
— Parker Peevyhouse isn't here (@parkerpeevy) February 21, 2018

I've never understood why "well he doesn't really BELIEVE that stuff. He just says it to be shocking" is considered a defense. That is actually worse?
— Annalee (@LeeFlower) April 5, 2018

If someone is saying horrible things that they don't even believe, then not only are they saying horrible things, they also have zero integrity *and* they think being asshole is an end in and of itself.
— Annalee (@LeeFlower) April 5, 2018

Lies writers tell themselves
▪️I don’t need to write down this idea! I’ll remember it!
▪️I have enough chocolate
▪️I’m going on social media hiatus!
▪️I’m just going to browse the bookstore
▪️I really don’t need a dragon-guarded castle with a library
— Meredith Ireland (@MeredithIreland) April 16, 2018

This checks out. pic.twitter.com/bouRpeiH5P
— Brianna Wu (@BriannaWu) April 23, 2018

“Loneliness does not come from having no people around you, but from being unable to communicate the things that seem important to you.”
– Carl Jung
— Lisa Mecham 💙 (@lmecham) April 23, 2018