What I Hate

I hate the president. What kind of president makes children cry? He makes no progress. Everything is a step backwards or festers in stagnant water. Drain the swamp? You’re standing in it. Clean coal? What does that even mean? By definition, coal isn’t clean. It’s a rock covered with dirt. Not to mention how does that prepare us for the future? Using the same old waning fuel sources, dangerous fuel sources, faulty and feeble sources.

I hate every supporter he has. I hate every mealy-mouthed coward conservative who voted for him for whatever reason, whether they’re “scared” of immigrants, they only like the fact that he’s not Hillary, or they were sucked in by his charisma and fancy promises, like a door-to-door vacuum cleaner salesman.

pee wee herman playhouse salesman
This was also a source of my kindertrauma

Do you know why Michael Jackson stayed controversial? Why he died of sleeping drug overdose? Because he fired everyone who protested his bad ideas. He got so powerful he fired everyone who would say “no”. So he got nothing but yes-men. You need someone to show you where the cracks are. To tell him that maybe it’s not a good idea to have sleepovers with nine-year-olds and give them wine.

I hate the Republican party. They’re doing everything they can for their king because that’s the bottom line–keep the absolute ruler happy. They don’t want to appear like they made a mistake, like W. Bush and Dan Quayle. Even when he stands by child molesters and woman abusers and neo-nazis. Both sides, my ass. Meanwhile let’s vote no on every bill that might do humanity some good. Let’s line our pockets with money, but God forbid we should have to actually spend anything. They’re being bullies just because they can.

I hate the democrats. They’re a bunch of leaderless cowards. Let’s elect the meekest yutzes as our leaders and make the most asinine mealy-mouthed directives and mission statements. Focus on jobs and the economy? Way to shoot for the stars there. Jobs aren’t a national problem. And saying you want to help the economy is like saying you wante to eat right and exercise. Why don’t you swing for the fences and take a stand. Meanwhile you exclude actually charismatic leaders like the guy from DFL MN. People who can actually rally people to their side. Who sound like they mean something. Are you even trying?

Both parties are the same though, right?

I hate guns. I hate that this little thing has such control over our country. I hate that we can’t have an objective discussion about them without someone flying off the handle thinking “they gonna take our guns!” (Like you could take on the government with your shotgun vs. its drones, missiles, stealth fighters, highly-trained national guard, and riot gear.

It’s like racism or abortion–too many rooted emotions make debate impossible. Except guns should have no rooted emotions, they’re just killing implements. That’s their only purpose. If magic wands were real, you can bet they’d be heavily regulated.

I hate corporations because they don’t care about workers. Corporate America is what’s killing people. To be a leader you have to be a sociopath. Or at least work with sociopaths. Those smiling, lying assholes. Go worship your cult of personality. Have no sincerity, no integrity.

I hate Twitter and Facebook. They have no accountability. No realization that they are big-ass gorillas and they sit everywhere they want. No one moves without their moving first. But the thing about big-ass gorillas is that they need to step up and lead the pack

When you’re the biggest, you have a responsibility to the smaller ones under you. You have a duty to do right by them.

I hate anyone older than me. They’re as self-entitled as the millennials they hate. They’re self-righteous and have no problem shifting responsibilities anywhere but themselves.

I hate anyone younger than me. They’re not doing much to disprove the hype. Though I guess all youth is like that. They don’t understand the sacred, don’t understand what money means. Everything is a big joke to them. It’s all memes and Fortnite. They like the stupidest stuff. They listen to horrible music.

I hate myself. What am I doing to solve any of this? I promised myself I’d be writing letters to senators and reps from day one of this trauma-fest. No, I’m sitting here ranting and watching reruns of American Dad. I’m as lazy and slothful as I’ve ever been. I’m as self-entitled and acerbic as the people I complain about. And if I got a sliver of power, I’d end up just like those fat cats too. Humanity fucking sucks.

Eric Juneau is a software engineer and novelist on his lunch breaks. In 2016, his first novel, Merm-8, was published by eTreasures. He lives in, was born in, and refuses to leave, Minnesota. You can find him talking about movies, video games, and Disney princesses at http://www.ericjuneaubooks.com where he details his journey to become a capital A Author.

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