Things Indiana Jones Can’t Do

Things Indiana Jones Can’t Do

  • Have a love interest who is the same love interest from a previous adventure
  • Fall in love with said love interest
  • Get married
  • Fight aliens
  • Survive a waterfall drop from heights in the thousands of feet, let alone three
  • Like Ike
  • Be investigated/interrogated by the FBI
  • Have a son
  • Have a son who wandered off the Grease movie lot
  • Go into the undisclosed warehouse where the “top men” are
  • Have triple-agent friends who don’t figure into the plot at all
  • Go into temples with load-bearing aliens
  • Reenact the chase from Back to the Future, except with a motorcycle instead of a skateboard
  • Have Shia LeBoueouef (or however it’s spelled) show him up
  • Be a grumpy old man, instead of a brash, lovable hero
  • Have his dad die
  • Have the bad guy die in exactly the same way as in the first movie (don’t contest it, you know it’s the same concept – person tries to seize ultimate power and is melted by the sheer force of that power)
  • Use CGI anything (especially gophers)

Failure to adhere to these rules will result in a movie which is more like some kid’s fan fiction of Indiana Jones and the Star Trek Episode.

That is all.

(P.S.: You can’t go home again)

Eric Juneau is a software engineer and novelist on his lunch breaks. In 2016, his first novel, Merm-8, was published by eTreasures. He lives in, was born in, and refuses to leave, Minnesota. You can find him talking about movies, video games, and Disney princesses at http://www.ericjuneaubooks.com where he details his journey to become a capital A Author.

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