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    New Fan Fiction: The Village Under Shadow (Zelda: Breath of the Wild)

    Sorry, it’s not erotica this time. Just a one-shot adventure I got inspired to write after seeing “The Witcher” on Netflix. I wrote it just for fun, and I hope you have fun too. As Hyrule recovers from the Great Calamity, Link is given an old mystery. A hundred years ago, a giant golden colossus appeared over a distant village. What is it? What does it want? Is it a blessing or a curse? Is it even still there? Link is tasked to find out, but will the village even let him? Find the full text below the cut, or go to one of these links for different formats.–Microsoft Word…

  • link zelda sad

    Zelda: You Can’t Save Them All

    I’ve noticed a recurring theme in The Legend of Zelda that I’m not sure anyone else has picked up on. The fantasy genre and the dichotomy around the world of heroics and sword-and-sorcery and fairy tales and the like often uses this trope, but for Zelda, it’s a little unusual. You can’t save everyone. More to the point, you aren’t allowed to save everyone. The game won’t let you. It’s teaching you a harsh lesson that not everyone gets a happy ending. As the games became more complex, it became easier to bake this story point into each plot, be it either a sidequest or a main twist. It might…

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    Fairies in Legend of Zelda

    I might be writing a story involving fairies soon, so I was doing some research (i.e. putzing on Wikipedia). Got to thinking about how fairies are portrayed in Legend of Zelda. What is Nintendo doing thinking? They’re not a large part of the mythos, but Nintendo’s letting you do things to them that are… weird. Let’s take a look. The Legend of Zelda (the first one) The game that introduced us to all the base tropes. Fairies appear two ways. They drop from defeated enemies or defeated bushes. If Link touches them, three hearts will be refilled. I don’t think any Zelda game really explains this healing magic, but if…

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    Late to the Game: The Legend of Zelda: Breath of the Wild

    So when I got my Switch for my birthday, I also got Super Mario Odyssey, Kirby: Star Allies, and The Legend of Zelda: Breath of the Wild. When I finished Skyward Sword, I had said no more to Zelda. I was sick of them getting the big new stuff right, but getting the old little things wrong. Like forcing obnoxious motion controls, repetitious & dumbass messages like “you got a red rupee! It’s worth (20) rupees!” for the hundredth time, weird-ass characters like Groose and Ghirahim (as unpleasant as he is unpronounceable). But everyone’s declared Breath of the Wild the bestest game on the Switch, nay, mayhaps the world, 10/10,…

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    My Most Annoying Thing in Each Zelda Game

    This sort of relates to my Skyward Sword review, in that I’m done with Zelda. I’m not expecting every game to be perfect, but a lot of these are just so simple to remove, it’s like they did no play testing. The Legend of Zelda Peahats These damn things fly all over the screen randomly for what feels like five minutes. Then when they finally do land, you only have about two seconds to attack it before it flies off again. And God help you if it lands on the other side of the screen, or behind a wall. And double-screw to you if its one of those “kill all…

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    Anita Sarkeesian and the Adventures in Video Land

    I feel like I gotta get this off my chest, because it’s been on my mind lately. (Don’t you love blog posts about stuff that happened weeks ago?) First some backstory you already know. Anita Sarkeesian has done a lot of YouTube videos, most notably stuff relating to feminism. I respected her views — I learned a lot about the Bechdel test, on how it’s best applied (as in not per movie, but on a less-than-scientific global/informal level). She made sound points. She seemed intelligent. She made a Kickstarter to do a series about women and/in video games. For some reason, this drew down the thunder of the Internet gods,…

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    Late to the Game: Skyward Sword: The Wrap-Up

    After 53 hours and about a year of playing with my wife, trading back and forth, we finally finished The Legend of Zelda: Skyward Sword this Friday. And as I promised, I will give you my opinion on the full experience. Now remember, I am a big Zelda fan. I’ve played just about every game multiple times. The only ones I’ve missed are some of the portable ones (Spirit Tracks, Phantom Hourglass, and Four Swords w/ Link’s Awakening DX), and the CD-I games (which no one counts anyway). That’s a total of twelve Zelda games. Not to mention some of the best fan fiction I’ve written has been from Zelda.…

  • My Top Ten Hottest Women Who Aren’t Real (4 through 1)

    4. Naru Naru Narusegawa (such a cute name) is the main character in Love Hina. Love Hina is a “harem” anime where one geeky guy, Keitaro Urashima, is forced to landlord five nubile young women who may or may not be trying to seduce him. It’s a typical sitcom if it was written by every high school boy. Naru Narusegawa is the center of this harem — a driven student with no time for the Keitaro’s accidental perversion or romantic interests. Except when she starts to realize that he’s a nice guy. Which is what we all want out of a girl — to see that after our nervousness and…

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    Late to the Game: Skyward Sword: First Impressions

    I got The Legend of Zelda: Skyward Sword for Christmas and last night was the first opportunity I had to play it. I’ve made it up to where you start searching for your bird, and here are some impressions. The first fifteen minutes of a video game are the most important, and probably one of the hardest things to get right, because you have to do so much in a short amount of time. You have to engage the player, establish the world, teach the user how to play, and set the tone. For more information, Extra Credits has some great editorials on this, including Pacing, Cutscenes, Tutorials 101, Narrative…