So I was going through some favorites I marked on Imgur that I’d forgotten about. Recipes, useful information, quotes. One of them was this sequence of posts. To sum up, someone asks the question “Why aren’t there romance stories for men? Why is the romance genre is exclusively targeted at women?” And the provided answer (short version) is that, for women, love is something that “happens” to them. But men are the ones who have to work to make that happen. And this rings true to me. Here are some most loved romances by women to prove it. In Pride & Prejudice, Darcy pursues Lizzy. Lizzy just kinda sits back…
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Stories Someone Should write: Hello Dolly! (but it’s the mafia)
Dolly is a jack-of-all-trades. She can do anything–drug running, body disposal, theft, driver, pickpocketing, counterfeiting, surveillance, con jobs–anything you want she can get it. She works for all the families. Everyone in the community knows her and loves her, even though she’s not a don. It’s kind of like Homer’s organized crime fantasy in “Last Exit to Springfield“. No matter what, you can always call on her to take care of it. But Dolly wants a permanent position as an underboss, and only one man can give it. Enter Vandergelderelli, an elder mob boss who’s too stupid to quit and too stubborn to die. He has a job for Dolly–take…
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Stories Someone Needs to Write: What Slytherin Did
In Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows the entire house of Slytherin sits out the Battle of Hogwarts. In the book, it’s because they all evacuate through a secret passage, like refugees. This is voluntary, as a portion of each of the other houses do stay to fight. Or it could be interpreted that McGonagall evicted them. In the movie, she explicitly orders them all to the dungeon because they’re all a bunch of untrustworthy gits. Who’s to say one of them won’t abracadabra you in the back because he wants to be in Voldemort’s good graces? They all want that awkward hug A lot of readers/viewers say this was…
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Stories Someone Needs to Write: Draco Malfoy’s Redemption
Draco Malfoy steps off the stage in Harry Potter without really serving much punishment. His real sin is his racist beliefs and bullying infractions during six years of school (and it’s not like his Slytherin sympathizers didn’t allow this). I imagine if he were real, he’d be one of those white supremacist Tiki torch-bearers at Charlottesville (except he’d just use his wand). Like Rowling once said, he talks the talk, but a coward when he has to walk the walk. Nothing he did was anything that couldn’t be walk away from. Not like the Death Eaters who tortured and killed and manipulated anyone who stood in their way. But he…
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Stories Someone needs to Write: “The Exorcist” Where the Skeptic is Right
You know what’s the common theme in all exorcism movies, the skeptic is never right. Its always a real demon possession. Oh, there are skeptics in each movie. They take a cavalcade of roles — priests, family, parents, the possessed itself. But they’re always proven right. The demon is always real, it’s never a symptom of mental illness, and everyone who survives is left pondering the idea that maybe there is a little more out there. Science, bitches! Oh, sure, the possession is always ambiguous or obfuscated, but it’s never decided one way or the other. It’s always “mysteriously divine”, with plenty of Christian symbolism. Bibles and holy water are…
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Stories Someone Should Write: The Gangsta-Thug Superhero
I came up with this on Friday. You have a quite a few “normal kid given superhero powers” stories. I don’t know if it started with Captain Marvel, but it’s been a consistent trope through comic books. Spider-Man’s a famous example. It’s taken a darker turn with movies like “Chronicle” and “Kick-Ass” (power corrupts), but that’s mostly with straight white males. I want to know what would happen if a gang leader got superpowers. I’m not talking about a morally clean ghetto kid like Static or grumpy big black guy like Black Panther or Green Lantern (and obviously not a 1920’s gangsta). I mean a full dyed-in-the-wool, “Don’t Be a…
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A First-Year in Harry Potter’s Seventh Year
You know, it must have been amazing being in school with Harry Potter. Triwizard tournaments, pranks, broomstick basketball, and classes taught by centaurs. Awesome. Well, at least if you were in the same class as Harry Potter. But what if you were younger? What if your first year in Hogwarts was Harry’s seventh year? Can you imagine that? First, you get the letter. “Ma, I’m a wizard!” You dance around! Callooh-callay! No more placement tests or China foreign policy papers. You’re going to a world full of jelly beans and unicorns and flying cars and pumpkin juice. Just like you’ve heard your friends talking about. Except you get there day…
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Stories Someone Should Write: Pinocchio Grows Up
Everyone knows the story of Pinocchio. Wooden puppet gets turned alive, and wants to become a “real boy”. Presumably so he can masturbate. I’ve seen the movie and read the book. What I wonder is, what happens when Ol’ Pine Eyes gets his wish and becomes real. He’s still only got about eight days of reality under his belt. It’s not like much has changed since then. He didn’t really learn wrong from right. He learned heroism and sacrifice, but not much about morality. He’s still the same old cigar-chompin’, stage-actin’ boy we all know and love. I’m sure there’s a lot more story after Pinocchio becomes human. Maybe the…
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Stories Someone Needs to Write
Stories Someone Needs to Write: A zombie survival movie where all the characters are female. No grizzled Vietnam army veteran or S.W.A.T. cop. No “Sons of Anarchy” biker boy. No average joe man-off-the-street. And no wimpy, cliche women either. No perky co-eds. No college jock girlfriends. No Lois Lane reporters looking for a “scoop”. No vain, shallow women. I want real women — mothers, business owners, middle managers, college professors, high school teenagers. They can be cops and military, if they’re portrayed as women would be in those scenarios (i.e., not the cold, hard bitch like Michelle Rodriguez’s character in every movie Michelle Rodriguez is in). This is Michelle Rodriguez…
