Previous Post: My First 50 Favorite Tweets
Is going to celebrate Ash Wednesday the proper way- by grabbing my boomstick, slipping on my chainsaw hand & reading thru the Necronomicon
— Anton Strout (@antonstrout) March 9, 2011
Don’t tell me the moon is shining; show me the glint of light on broken glass. ~Anton Chekhov
— Lulu.com (@Luludotcom) March 19, 2011
Everybody thinks “The Social Network” is the best movie about forming a new startup, but they are wrong. The best movie is “Ghostbusters”.
— Patrick Ewing (@hoverbird) April 6, 2011
I just learned Jews can’t drink beer on Passover. That’s anti-Semitism!
— Homer J. Simpson (@HomerJSimpson) April 18, 2011
The greatest trick Skynet ever pulled was convincing the world it didn’t change its name to Google.
— Funny Or Die (@funnyordie) April 20, 2011
My sources tell me Osama was savaged by specially trained honey badgers.
— John Scalzi (@scalzi) May 2, 2011
Let’s not forget the vital role Bush played in helping to find Bin Laden – he left office & went back into private life.
— Frank Conniff (@FrankConniff) May 2, 2011
It’s snowing, in May, here in Minnesota, which has now officially changed its name to Winterfell.
— Kevin Br-r-r-rphy (@kwmurphy) May 2, 2011
Robitussin, work your dark magic.
— Noah Antwiler (@TheSpoonyOne) May 11, 2011
Never feel remorse for what you have thought about your wife. She has thought much worse things about you. JEAN ROSTAND
— Jon Winokur (@DailyCurmudgeon) June 2, 2011
“Fashion is what everyone is doing. Style is what you’re doing.” Glenn O’Brien
— Jonathan Carroll (@JSCarroll) June 4, 2011
For those who want the Razzies to be televised, they do. It’s called the MTV Movie Awards.
— Brad Jones (@thecinemasnob) June 5, 2011
Eating a burrito at Chipotle is like eating a stomach.
— John Francis Daley (@JohnFDaley) July 6, 2011
Goodnight universe. You are the best universe in the world.
— Neil Gaiman (@neilhimself) July 7, 2011
If NASA had any guts, they would dress the landing crew at Edwards as Apes to receive the Astronauts on their last Shuttle Landing.
— Daren R. Dochterman (@darendoc) July 8, 2011
The reason my eye is a nice soft shade of red is because Dave can’t sleep without a nightlight.
— HAL 9000 (@HAL9000_) July 11, 2011
If the extra $4/month for Netflix is gonna break you financially, you really need to take a hard look at where your life took a wrong turn.
— Bryan Bishop (@BaldBryan) July 13, 2011
Don’t talk to me before I’ve had my coffee or while I’m having my coffee or after I’ve had my coffee.
— Alex Baze (@bazecraze) July 16, 2011
Harry Potter is about doing what is right in the face of adversity. Twilight is about how important it is to have a boyfriend. -Stephen King
— Eric M.Clark (@emclark23) July 16, 2011
Any man who, having a child or children he can’t support, proceeds to have another should be sterilized at once. H. L. MENCKEN
— Jon Winokur (@DailyCurmudgeon) July 18, 2011
Welcome to the world, South Sudan! I should tell you, it’s traditional for new countries to loan America 400 billion dollars.
— Stephen Colbert (@StephenAtHome) July 19, 2011
Today I went on thesaurus.com and searched “ninjas”. The computer told me “Ninjas cannot be found”. Well played, ninjas, well played.
— Madeline Morrison (@Madeline_Anna) August 3, 2011
“A mind needs books like a sword needs a whetstone. That is why I read books.” -Tyrion Lannister
— Wil Wheaton (@wilw) August 15, 2011
Man cannot make a worm, yet he will make gods by the dozen. MICHEL DE MONTAIGNE (1533-92)
— The QI Elves (@qikipedia) September 12, 2011
If you made time to watch Jersey Shore tonight but not to email your resume, maybe stop blaming our President for your problems.
— Molly McNearney (@mollymcnearney) September 16, 2011
“There are always two choices. Two paths to take. One is easy. And its only reward is that it’s easy.” -Unknown
— Ryan j Budke (@rjbudke) September 19, 2011
Trying to learn English? Pancakes are flat muffins, and muffins are cupcakes without icing, and cupcakes are mini cakes. BOOM, for real.
— kelly oxford (@kellyoxford) September 30, 2011
Single women who ask “where are all the good men?!” don’t really understand men.
— kelly oxford (@kellyoxford) September 30, 2011
I don’t understand the Avada Kedavra curse. Is there a limit to how often you can use it? Why aren’t Death Eaters shouting it all the time?
— Karl Kerschl (@karlkerschl) October 18, 2011
Remember the days before personal computers, when we would just go around double-clicking on random objects?
— Al Yankovic (@alyankovic) October 20, 2011
I’m sick of PETA whale activists. They already Freed Willy 3 times & in 2010 helped him Escape From Pirate’s Cove, albeit directly to video.
— Stephen Colbert (@StephenAtHome) October 27, 2011
Technically, all panties are edible if you’re brave enough.
— Brad Williams (@funnybrad) November 4, 2011
Hey ladies, we didn’t sleep with that women to get back at you. We slept with that woman because she said “Yes.”
— Brad Williams (@funnybrad) November 19, 2011
Herman Cain is thinking about dropping his campaign. Don’t! Then we can’t make any more jokes about you…
— Aperture Science (@ApertureSciPR) November 30, 2011
Google has hired over ten law firms to fight sopa , love you google
— Curtis Arnott (@Takahata101) December 16, 2011