I didn’t expect to give an update on this, but here’s one.
I’ve been having some trouble with doctors retiring or moving on me. The one before my current one just seemed… frantic? Like I came in to get a physical and she pointed out all these other things wrong with me. I had a weird mole. I was making noise when I breathed through my nose (which is apparently not supposed to happen). I had pre-diabetes, liver problems, high blood pressure. None of this stuff did my previous doctor talk to me about (or notice? or care about?). I went from being a fit forty to a middle-aged corpse.
And when I tried to talk to her about weight, she was not receptive. I pointed out that diet and exercise were just not working for me. I’ve had a gut my entire life and I want to get rid of it and I just don’t know what my options are. She pointed to my “liver levels” and blood pressure and said I’d have to get those down before we could talk about medications. And then she retired/didn’t work there anymore. I didn’t get a letter, so maybe she got let go? For being hypochondriacal?1
I got a new doctor. After getting familiar with him, I gave him the prompt about weight again. I talked about reaching a plateau, the odds being stacked against me, being sick of being obese, exercise not being effective. I simply don’t have the willpower to fight it any longer.2
This doctor was also not receptive. I think a lot of people are doing this–going to their doctors and asking for this “miracle drug”. I’m not a conspiracy theorist, but I do believe companies have been, well, maybe not holding back weight-loss drugs, but slow to roll them out or increase research because the weight-loss industry is so fucking profitable. It’s a perpetual-motion machine–load food up with sugar and fats, make it cheaper than healthy food, make the lower class unhealthy, make them have to lose weight to get healthy again, repeat.
The thing that really got me was when I said, “I work out every other day. I walk my dog. I don’t have any more free time than that or I would just become a machine. Sleep, go to work, exercise, sleep.” And then he said, “Well, maybe that’s what you have to do. You’ve got to prioritize the things you want.”
And then I was like, “Well, fuck you too.” (I didn’t say that.)
It is unreasonable to expect me, or anyone, to spend every free moment exercising and dieting to get to a normal body. I’ve done nothing to earn this body, but I’m still considered obese. Maybe your standards are too high. Maybe one person can’t fight society–the American lifestyle doesn’t allow for healthy eating. You’re on the road, you need a quick meal. Your healthiest option is Subway, bleah. It’s simple biology–I’m going to choose the thing that tastes better.
I don’t know who’s responsible, but I can’t fight this monster without options. You want fewer obese Americans? Give us the fucking drug! What’s the point of living healthy if you’re miserable while you’re doing it. I want to play my video games, paint miniatures, write, watch football, read, play board games. These all involve sitting down. I want a cozy life with books and food and television, like a hobbit. I don’t want to be one of those eighty-five-year-olds who still skis.
So he told me to check with my insurance to see if it was covered. I expected he thought I’d balk at the first obstacle–having to do my own work or talking on the phone or dealing with insurance. But I did. Maybe just to prove the bastards wrong–that I’d rather talk to a stranger than have to jog.
They told me that I wouldn’t have to pay anything (maybe because I’d already reached my deductible, maybe because it really was covered, they didn’t say). All I needed was prior authorization. But the PA was what they rejected. Without it, a single month would cost over $1,000. That’s unreasonable. But then my doctor suggested buying it from the manufacturer. And that only cost $350.
That was reasonable, and I could pay for it through my HSA. So a few days later I got a box in my refrigerator with dosages and… needles. I wrote a note to my doctor, saying they’d arrive, hoping they’d say something like “bring it here and we’ll store it for you and our nurses will inject you each week.” But nope, they just said “Good luck, let us know how it goes.”
This is very ironic after stating in my previous post there’s no way I could give myself a shot.
So I let the meds sit for a few days, but they expire. So I had to put up or explain how I wasted three hundred dollars. I recalled all those times that nurses were trying to take blood or set up an IV and had to literally root around in my skin to get a vein, like they were digging for gold.
But it turns out it’s not one of those kinds of injectables. It’s subcutaneous, meaning it goes into the skin, not a vein. Like an EPIPen, but not as severe. So I looked up how to do it. It’s actually just a one-inch needle that goes in subcutaneously (in my fat belly). Meaning I don’t have to root around like a ditchdigger to find a vein like the nurses have to do. I just stab it into my stomach or thigh once a week. Okay, I can do that.
So I did it.
So far it’s been a few days, but I feel it working. I’m not sure about other effects, but it has definitely curtailed my desire to eat. I always feel full, or at least satiated. Nothing looks good anymore, but not in a sickening way. More of a “ugh, it feels like I just had a big meal, I don’t want any more.” And it’s important to listen to that little voice and not eat just because I’m bored. That’s the trap. You gotta change your lifestyle, not just your diet. Because otherwise you’ll bounce back.
So here we go. Join me on my weight journey, won’t you?
- She was right, though. The mole was a stage-0 melanoma. And my septum was deviated. ↩︎
- I’ve recently discovered that just weight-lifting is exacerbating my lower back pain and tech neck. I stopped doing hip abductions & adductions and my lower back pain went away. I had septum surgery, so I didn’t work out for a week, and I didn’t have tech neck. Then I did my shoulder lifts, and I did. That means I can’t exercise anything that’s part of my trunk–no shoulders, no abs, no back, no hips. The only thing I can do is curls and the elliptical, so I might as well not even pay for a gym membership at this point if I can’t even use the equipment without getting in pain. ↩︎
