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What’s the Deal With The Masked Singer?

I’m trying to figure out the appeal of “The Masked Singer“. Commercials keep telling me it’s the super lucky happy number one most-liked most-popular show in the world and watching it will cure coronavirus. I see it all the time at the gym and it just looks shiny and stupid.

First of all, it’s got Jenny McCarthy in it. Fuck her. Fuck her with a big unpeeled carrot up her ass. She brought all the anti-vaxxers upon us. She made it so celebrity hype gets a bigger voice than common sense and scientific accuracy. Fuck her. She should be blacklisted from anything in Hollywood (making her name ironic). And throw Robin Thicke in that pit too, while you’re at it. It’s not like the world wouldn’t be better without the rapey “Blurred Lines” in it.

Second, what is the point? It’s just celebrities consorting with celebrities. At first I thought it was a way to showcase famous people with unexpected talent, like “Circus of the Stars”, but not all of them are non-singers. Some of them count, like Drew Carey and Drew Pinsky (who learned opera at college). But then you’ve got Dionne Warwick and Chaka Khan? What big surprise is that supposed to be? It must be such a disappointment to think “which d-lister is this who sings like Whitney Houston?” And then they take off the mask and it’s Whitney Houston. Big fucking surprise.

It’s not music competition, like American Idol or The Voice. These are people with established careers. And the challenge seems to be guessing who, of a billion possible celebrities, is such-n-such under the big mascot costume? Part of the fun of these shows is being able to play along at home. And who in the world would expect “Ninja”, a Twitch video game streamer, as a potential candidate. You might as well ask what number am I thinking of, one to a million.

And why the elaborate costumes? I mean, I guess they’re nice to look at. I appreciate the effort it must take to make them. But how do they relate to the music or the singer? They’re showy and creepy, like RuPaul’s Drag Race crossed with Five Nights at Freddy’s.

There’s an excellent fanfic here waiting to be written…

I just keep looking at the show and ask, what’s the bloody point? Game shows usually have a theme, even the stupidest ones. “Are You Smarter Than a Fifth Grade?” demonstrated public education’s lasting influence on the average American (or lack thereof). “Who Wants to Be a Millionaire” showed how people react under pressure. Even Match Game was humorous with the double entendres. But this is just celebrities supporting other celebrities. Like, aren’t they all part of this exclusive club anyway? Haven’t they all already met each other at Oscar parties and Grammy pre-shows? What am I supposed to get out of this? Besides blindness from sequin glare.

Eric Juneau is a software engineer and novelist on his lunch breaks. In 2016, his first novel, Merm-8, was published by eTreasures. He lives in, was born in, and refuses to leave, Minnesota. You can find him talking about movies, video games, and Disney princesses at where he details his journey to become a capital A Author.

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