• bart simpson vs. bill cosby

    Where’s Your Huxtables Now, Flanders?

    Remember the big Bart Simpson scare in the early nineties? Everyone was freaking out because The Simpsons was beating The Cosby Show in the ratings. I remember a picture of Bill Cosby next to Bart Simpson with boxing gloves was on a bunch of tabloids in the grocery store. America had chosen this dysfunctional family over the clean family values of the Huxtables. They wanted an underachiever (and proud of it, man!) instead of a successful Black household with “no excuses” parenting of Claire and Cliff and his precocious children who all behaved civilly. Conservatives George Bush, Pat Buchanan, and Jerry Falwell used The Simpsons as a straw man for…

  • cobra kai logo

    My Love Letter to Cobra Kai

    With the new (and maybe conclusive?) season coming out at the end of this year, I thought I’d talk about why this series appeals to me. Because it really shouldn’t. For one thing, I didn’t see The Karate Kid until I was like, thirty? So I didn’t grow up with it in my pop culture bubble. I liked talking animals, cartoons, and cool robots. I did not go for cough, cough realism. Same reason I never watched The Goonies, The Breakfast Club, Dirty Dancing, Uncle Buck, National Lampoon’s Christmas Vacation, Top Gun, or Commando. Unless it had some fantasy element in it, I wasn’t buying. But now I’m a grown-up…

  • fast forward symbol

    My Kindertrauma: Fast Forwards

    I missed a few things during my Kindertrauma run that I didn’t think of at the time and/or didn’t think worthy of an article. But time passes and hey, it’s Halloween anyway. The Neverending Story – Gmork Gmork is an interesting character. He’s really not in the film much and wolves can be as cute as scary. They’re just older uncles of dogs. They’ve been in the war, they’ve seen some shit, but they keep it to themselves. But Gmork is a personification of dread. The first time you see him is when he’s chasing Atreyu in the swamps of sadness. In that shot, he’s just a blur. You know…

  • watching movie popcorn

    Don’t Think About It

    If you’re wondering how he eats and breathes and other science facts, then repeat to yourself “It’s just a show, I should really just relax…” These are the last lyrics of the theme song to Mystery Science Theater 3000. This caveat exists because the premise of the show isn’t about the setting or characters or universe. It’s about making fun of bad movies. You don’t need an aesthetic for that (and in fact, RiffTrax and Cinematic Titanic have proven you don’t). It’s just some pleasant decoration around the content. A wrapper. It’s not meant to be thought about. And yet people do. There are countless fan fictions, fandoms, cosplay, puppet…

  • mcdonald's golden arches

    McDonald’s Ain’t What It Used to Be

    So I had a bachelor weekend recently and watched a lot of movies. One was The Founder, the biopic of the Ray Kroc, one of the co-founders of McDonald’s as we know it today. Let me get this out of the way first — I LOVE McDonald’s. I love it for the nostalgia, the family quality, the food, the decor, the smells. Those were the days of the styrofoam clam shells. I LOVE the fish sandwiches, mostly because of the tartar sauce. I would get a fish sandwich in place of a hamburger for my Happy Meal (my Dad would eat the hamburger). The house I grew up in was…

  • large marge pee wee's big adventure

    My Kindertrauma: Large Marge

    Probably the definition of true kindertrauma. I can’t think of anything more iconic than this nightmare fuel. I remember distinctly fast-forwarding through this part when I watched it on VHS. It was just too scary. It’s bad enough that stop-motion is creepy-looking as hell (see House on Haunted Hill for a great example). There’s not much I can say about it that hasn’t been said. Let’s break it down, see if that helps. The movie’s had some dark areas up to this point, but nothing ridiculous. Pee Wee hitchhikes with a criminal, but has to dress in drag to get past a roadblock. There are a few odd visual gags…

  • daily show jordan searles

    The Philando Castile Verdict

    When I saw it I was like, well that’s going to fucking haunt me for a while. This cop was scared, but something inside him wanted to pull out his gun. Because when a guy says “I have a weapon on me” he’s saying it because he’s not going to shoot you. If he was going to shoot, he wouldn’t have said anything. Even the dumbest criminal knows about the element of surprise. It’s built into our nature right down to the sponges and amoebas. If you don’t show your teeth, passerby shrimp are going to think you’re a rock. So I mean, just apply an ounce of reason to…

  • video game controllers

    Favorite Video Games for Each Year of My Life

    Well, it worked so well for movies, why not try for video games? I’m young enough. 1981 – Frogger 1982 – Dig Dug 1983 – Jumpman 1984 – Balloon Fight 1985 – Super Mario Bros. 1986 – Rampage 1987 – Leisure Suit Larry (in the Land of the Lounge Lizards) 1988 – Super Mario Bros. 3 1989 – TMNT II: The Arcade Game 1990 – Super Mario World 1991 – The Legend of Zelda: A Link to the Past 1992 – Super Mario Land 2: Six Golden Coins 1993 – Doom 1994 – Donkey Kong Country 1995 – Super Mario World 2: Yoshi’s Island 1996 – Quake 1997 – Blood…

  • Ghostbusters 2 poster

    What’s So Bad About Ghostbusters 2?

    So what was so wrong about Ghostbusters 2? I don’t get it. It’s pretty surprising to have a fandom based on only two movies, but to have one of those movies actively disliked? That’s an entire half of the canon you’re leaving out. If you can’t already tell, I liked it. I was eight years old when it came out and the first thing I did when I got home was make a crayon/stapled book of the movie. Of course, I wasn’t prone to deep critical analysis back then. And why should I be? No movie is without sin. And if you like something, no one should be able to…

  • 80's childhood memories

    Your Childhoods Are Already Ruined

    After watching the Ghostbusters “controversy” diffuse into a “meh” movie, I have one thing to say to those idiots who made a huge deal because they didn’t want their “childhoods ruined.” First of all, if the existence of a movie ruins your childhood, then your childhood wasn’t worth diddly in the first place. Second, there’s never been a case where a movie made this actually happened. Look at Michael Jackson — now THAT’s an example of a ruined childhood. But the bigger issue is this: No matter what happens, your childhood *will* be ruined. It is inevitable, no matter what you were into. Nothing is ever going to recapture the…