The home page for author Eric J. Juneau

Hot Girls You Don’t Know About: Tara Lynne Barr

tara lynne barr

This’ll be a short one because I really have no idea what this girl’s done except for one movie which she was awesome in. Everything else has been indie movies or minor roles. I hope it’s because the girl’s getting herself a good education and planning for a long career. She reminds me of Maisie Williams.

That movie she was awesome in is “God Bless America” – the best satire/black comedy I’ve ever seen. Most times they cast someone who looks the part but can’t hack it for the role. Not the case here. It’s very reminiscent of Leon: The Professional, but it’s not a copy. It’s all the best parts put into something else.

Other than that, I don’t got much. There’s a handful of TV guest spots and indie movies. I mostly put her here because of bangs. I love bangs — Mandy Moore, Zooey Deschanel, Mary Elizabeth Winstead, Emma Stone, Carly Rae Jepsen, Sandra Bullock, most robot girls.

That and her eyes. She has some amazing lime-green/hazel eyes. The kind I’ve never seen any girl fore nor hence.

  • Wikipedia
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    Is this her now?

  • Sexy Batman Villains

    poison ivy harley quinn catwoman

    I’ve been looking for porn about thinking about Poison Ivy, the Batman villain. She’s a good character, but for being a plant-woman, she sure exudes sexuality. In fact, that got me thinking about all the Batman villains, especially the difference between the guys and the girls.

    I love Batman’s villains because they all represent fractured psyches of the hero. Unlike just about any other comic book villain who are just about power, revenge, or greed. Enemies like the Joker represent chaos opposed to Batman’s order. Bane is what happens when you have too much power. Two-Face is the double identity getting away from you. Scarecrow is fear (which Batman uses for good, but it’s a double-edged sword). Riddler represents obsession. The Penguin represents… uh, deformity? Indulgence? Umbrellas? I’ll get back to you on that one. Anyway, my point is the men are pretty diverse, all shapes and sizes.

    The girls all represent some fractured psyche as well. Poison Ivy is the repressed schoolgirl becoming liberated. Catwoman is Batman’s intellectual equal in the criminal world (bat rhymes with cat, you know). Harley Quinn is the female side of Joker’s dementia, forever victim to his whims. Problem is, they’re also all sex objects.

    batman arkham city catwoman
    This is Catwoman’s slide in Batman: Arkham City, where Batman has a practical feet-first soccer sweep.

    They didn’t start that way, but they’ve gotten way worse, and I don’t like it. I can’t find one picture Poison Ivy without her titties bouncing out as big as pumpkins. I don’t know, maybe it’s part of her character, something about flowers and vaginas. But all the others are the same way too. Harley Quinn is a Lolita — pigtails and a gymnast’s body with a skin-tight suit. Plus it’s implied that she has a sexual relationship with Joker. Catwoman is the Lois Lane — regular-sized, regular hair, regular boobs. The problem is she always wears skin-tight leather, carries a whip, and is constantly making innuendos.

    batman arkham city catwoman
    You know it’s always snowing in Arkham City, right?

    The sad part (not the saddest part, I’ll get to that) is that they didn’t always used to be that way. Poison Ivy used to be just a seductress. Then she became an eco-terrorist, then a mad scientist. Then her storyline changed to her having the ability to create and resist poisons, then she could control plants a la Swamp Thing. The only thing she wears is a few conveniently placed leaves. Harley Quinn started on a children’s cartoon show. And Catwoman didn’t even wear a costume.

    catwoman first appearance comic
    Catwoman’s first appearance

    But somehow, over the years, each of these characters went from being respectable to downright whorish. Catwoman went from Jean Harlow wearing a long purple dress to Michelle Pfeiffer’s S & M fantasy. Harley Quinn went from comic relief to pedophile fodder. And Poison Ivy’s just a porn actress now.

    batman harley quinn arkham city
    Harley’s outfit in Arkham City.  Somewhat different from her original incarnation.

    The saddest part is that these three are about it. There are no other female villains in the Batman universe. And actually there aren’t that many females period in the Batman universe. Oracle/Batgirl and Vicki Vale and that’s it.

    batman poison ivy comic
    Poison Ivy’s first look

    Make no mistake. Batman is a male power fantasy so this is not unexpected. Ridiculous, but not unexpected. You don’t need to make women into strippers to retain interest. In fact, it becomes implausible to have a cat burglar with her jacket halfway unzipped, or someone whose breasts are too big for her prison shirt to be closed.

    poison ivy arkham city
    Seriously, they let her get away with this outfit in Arkham Asylum?  Or maybe she needs skin exposed for photosynthesis.

    In fact, I think of all the superheroes, he might be the most “Republican-like”. And I don’t enjoy saying that. But he’s a multi-billionaire philanthropist who inherited his money. For all intents and purposes, there’s no way he could maintain his lifestyle and business and should have had his identity uncovered a long time ago (but again, fantasy). He has power and women, but a chip on his shoulder from mom and dad, and he’s always trying to redeem himself for them.

    batman dark knight rises costume
    The Dark Knight Returns had a significant poor vs. rich arc.

    Most of his adventures don’t focus so much on saving the victim as catching the criminal. His enemies are extremist in character and represent chaos, power, and liberation. Not often greed or revenge. Batman is always trying to put things back the way they were. Victims tend to be faceless (and there’s a few storylines where this is one of the messages) and the criminal is never ambiguous. It’s always quite clear that they’re doing bad.

    Personally, I’d want to see a superhero who deals with those less ambiguous guys (people who interfere with legal abortion clinics, people on Ashley-Madison, obviously corrupt politicians who game the system, sexual predators who slip through the cracks). That’s what I wanted the Supergirl movie to have. That’s what superheroes are meant for — saving people when the system fails.

    Now if you’ll excuse me, my torrent is done.

    UPDATE: I totally forgot about Talia al Ghul for some reason. Idiot. She’s kind of a clone of Catwoman anyway: antiheroine/villain, off-again, on-again romance with Batman, and always wearing skin-tight leather.

    Talia Al Ghul Batman comics
    Ninja boobies!

    My Top Ten Hottest Women Who Aren’t Real (4 through 1)

    4. Naru

    Naru Narusegawa (such a cute name) is the main character in Love Hina. Love Hina is a “harem” anime where one geeky guy, Keitaro Urashima, is forced to landlord five nubile young women who may or may not be trying to seduce him. It’s a typical sitcom if it was written by every high school boy. Naru Narusegawa is the center of this harem — a driven student with no time for the Keitaro’s accidental perversion or romantic interests. Except when she starts to realize that he’s a nice guy. Which is what we all want out of a girl — to see that after our nervousness and ineptitude, we are caring and devoted.

    Her main rival is Mutsumi Otohime, who may or may not be someone that Keitaro made a childhood marriage promise to. She’s fun to watch because she has anemia and is constantly falling asleep in compromising positions (it also doesn’t hurt that she’s got huge… tracts of land). You see, 90% of Love Hina is fan service. They have a hot tub/hot springs out back and they are constantly jumping in for a relaxing dip. Almost every episode has a character in a loosely-wrapped towel, a little sweaty, just waiting for someone to fall on them and accidentally tear the towel off (Also see Theiss Titillation Theory). Naru is the unfortunate victim most of the time.

    She’s one of the most fleshed-out women on this list (no pun intended). She acts like a girl, but not like a standard anime cardboard cut-out. She’s driven to succeed but can collapse in a heap of tears when things get too overwhelming. I love the little self-referential jokes in the series (“This isn’t antennae, this is my hair!”) and the way Naru responds to her trials and tribulations with equal parts sadness, anger, and fear. All this leads to a believable relationship with a boy she may or may not hate.

    3. Malon

    All right, I’ll admit it. I’m a sucker for red hair. What can I say? It doesn’t hurt that Malon is utterly charming. You first encounter her in Ocarina of Time, at either the Lon Lon Ranch or, if it’s night, outside Hyrule Castle, singing what later becomes Epona’s Song. But that’s all storyline stuff. She represents the “what if” for Link, or the one that got away.

    I’m not sure why she gets so much fan-worship — she wasn’t that particularly important to the plot. Her personality is a little too chirpy and bubbly, and she’s looking for a “knight in shining armor to sweep her off her feet”. How droll. But somehow she enraptures you. It might be that she’s one of the few characters that grows up with you in your seven-year-leap. She has the most bad stuff happen to her — Ganondorf takes the ranch and promotes the lazy, money-obsessed, selfish Ingo to CEO. This allows him to use/abuse the horses for gambling while the good-hearted Malon works like a slave. A Cinderella story if I ever saw one. Malon is like Batman’s Alfred — she represents the people Link is fighting for. She brings a face to the stakes.

    And what a fanbase she has. Look at all the fan art. Look at all the fan fiction. Look at all the cosplay. Look at her Hyspace page. I think there’s something about girls identifying with Malon – a sweet, responsible farm girl with an unrequited crush. I identify with that too.

    The interesting thing is that most people don’t realize Malon started life as Marin, the girl in Link’s Awakening. I loved Link’s Awakening, but I think because of its B&W Game Boy console and insignificant storyline (it all takes place in a dream, so none of it really happened), it doesn’t get the love it deserves. Marin’s quite the cutie too — she loves to sing, she has an idle mind, she has some comic misadventures following Link around — and her romance with Link is just as heart-wrenching. They share some touching moments, and near the end, she’s about to admit something to him but gets interrupted.

    I find this interesting because the whole game is Link’s shared dream with the Wind Fish. In that dream, Marin represents Princess Zelda (admitted conjecture, but in the Oracle series, Marin and Zelda’s sprite look very similar), but she’s also her own person. And a romantic interest who’s really a dream is all the more tragic. So Marin is kind of a cross between Zelda and Malon. Which means Malon is an evolution of Zelda.

    Yeah, if Milk & Honey is any indication, I’m a Malon fan. But I’m not a LinkXMalon shipper.

    2. and 1. AerisTifa

    I apologize for the tie, but the fact is, I can’t decide between these two. They both represent the ideal woman, the fun one or the motherly one. The one that will keep you from trouble or the one that will get you into trouble. Let’s take them one at a time.

    First off, I just love Aeris’s hair. I love Tifa’s hair too, but Aeris’s really communicates what she’s about — a simple braid, worn down the back and flowing in the wind, with two little twisties going down the sides of her head and two, crimped “antennae” out the top. It looks natural and ludicrous at the same time. Her eyes are great too — that vital, luminous green. Not sure about the rest of her outfit though. But all points to her earth allegory.

    Tifa seems to represent water. She knows martial arts, many of which involve the concept of “flow” at a base level. Two of her moves are named “Waterkick” and “Dolphin Blow”. Her hair, in contrast to Aeris’s textured look, is a smooth, thick dolphin tail. And this fits with Cloud’s name — an entity rising above the planet, looking down on water and earth. Like a triforce.

    Okay, let’s talk about personalities. Aeris is the motherly one. She’s positive, loyal, and has a hint of mystery. Despite her tragic birth and being raised in the slums, she’s optimistic and encouraging. She’s flirty, stubborn, caring, idealistic. She’s timid in combat, but not when it comes to people.

    Tifa is shyer about expressing personal feelings, but she’ll kick your ass all over Midgar. She’s complex, mature, proud, self-assertive, and reflective. She’s the one who tries to make connections, like I mentioned in my “writing women” post, probably because of her personal tragedy. Unlike Aeris’s, Tifa loses her family and town at fifteen The post-game Tifa adopts Marlene, Denzel, and contacts the group because she’s trying to keep the family. She’s the badass action girl, but also the girl next door.

    I guess that’s the reason I can’t pick between these two. Aeris seems like she’d be the reserved one, the serious one, the motherly one. Tifa should be the flirty one, the plucky one, the funny one. They mix up the stereotypes so much that each seems like they’ve both missed and gained something. Like the perfect woman split into two.

    And that’s probably the reason even the fanbase can’t pick one. There is no one right choice because both are good. The creators of Final Fantasy VII really nailed it when they created these two characters. They are exactly what people are looking for.

    There. I got through a whole article about Tifa without mentioning her boobs. Oh, DAMMIT.

    My Top Ten Hottest Women Who Aren’t Real (6 through 5)

    6. Crysta

    Huh, another fairy. I didn’t realize that until I was making this list. Not one of the smartest fairies either. All she does all day is fly around being twee, occasionally growing plants with magic. She openly embraces the stranger in her forest at the same time all the trees are disappearing. Didn’t work too well for the Aztecs. Her naivety is a pale copy of the charm of the little mermaid, and it doesn’t work.

    Sort of. I said before I’m a sucker for projects, but there are two types. One is the dark and twisted, self-hating, self-destructive kind. Crysta and her lot is the other kind — a derivative of the manic dream pixie girl that’s so trendy right now. In her case, she’s simply sheltered in an alien land which makes her so clueless you could stick a paper bag on her head and she’d continually back up. She even looks like Zooey Deschanel.

    Of course, in my dreams, that’s not exactly what happens. Unfortunately, I often find myself bewitched by her inexperience, as most of us were. And it helps that she’s got an even skimpier fairy dress than Tinker Bell. And she’s voiced by Samantha Mathis, who was pretty hot during this time (one of the only reasons to watch Super Mario Bros.)

    Unfortunately, there isn’t really much to Crysta besides that. The movie’s half heavy-handed environmental preaching and half cheesy movie romance. And that makes no room for plot. There’s something about her fluffy black hair, her bright blue eyes, and her bare midriff. I like her “falling in love” montage and her (almost) self-sacrifice when she finally defeats Dr. Frank N. Furter Hexxus. She probably shouldn’t be as high on this list as she is, but not for blatant pandering.

    5. Asuka

    Any anime fan is going to know who Asuka Langley Soryu is. They’re also going to know she’s fourteen years old and has several nude scenes (including a super-funny one in the Rebuild movies that reverses Shinji’s in the series). However, we’re going to pretend she’s eighteen for the purposes of this article. She certainly acts like it.

    They’re also going to know why she’s hot — the stunning red hair, the unabashed confidence, the cute little outfits. Sometimes she seems barely aware she’s doing something sexual, like kneeling down on all fours so we can see down her shirt, or letting her skirt flap in the breeze, or cuddling with Shinji. Sometimes she acts like she knows exactly what she’s doing. Asuka is complex, to say the least.

    She’s had a chip on her shoulder since she was born. When she was four, her mother went insane from a bad Eva test. She thought Asuka’s doll was her daughter and ignored her real daughter’s existence. The day Asuka found out she was going to help defend the world, she ran to her mother to tell her only to find her dangling from a noose.

    After that Asuka built a wall around her heart and consumed herself with drive. Of course, her false self-confidence begins to fall as the pressure builds. Like an overactive boiler, those repressed emotions emit in hot bursts, hurting those around her. She ends the series (the conventional series, not the movies or Rebuild) in a catatonic state, after having apparently attempted suicide by slitting her wrists in a a bathtub in an abandoned house.

    Everyone in Evangelion is a project, but Asuka takes the cake. But there’s a reason she’s on the list instead of Rei, Misato, Ritsuko, Horaki, or even the budding Mari Makinami. That reason is succinctly stated in The One I Love Is…, a fanfic.

    Spoilers: In the end, Shinji has to decide between the two lead female characters: the motherly Rei or the aggressive Asuka. He visits her in the hospital and tells her:

    “When I’m with Rei… I feel… how could I say it… safe. I feel good. Comfortable. There’s nothing for me to do. I know that she’s the kind of girl… who’ll love me no matter what. She’ll never do anything to hurt me. She’ll never scold me or tease me. She’ll do everything I’ll ask of her with a smile… Asuka… I don’t want a comfortable life! I don’t want someone who’ll make me the only goal of her existence. I’d only be hiding from reality again. And it wouldn’t be fair to Rei. Asuka… what I’m trying to say… I want you Asuka.”

    Asuka is not the safe girl. She is the girl that will kick your ass if you make a mistake. And if you’re a snivelling, sheltered introvert like me, you need someone like that in your life. I like Asuka’s grit, I like her aggressiveness, I like her vigor. Could she be a good mate? Probably not. She’s prideful, she’s stubborn, she’s “yelly”. She also reflects the internal dialogue a lot of us loser nerds feel — the “bad” voice. Ignoring the physical for a moment, there’s a lot of facets to her, like a multi-tasking program.

    My Top Ten Hottest Women Who Aren’t Real (10 through 7)

    I had some trouble with the number ten spot, whether to put Rosalina or Peach here (and for a time, it was Magica DeSpell. Jeez, what was I thinking?). Peach has some cute aspects, but ultimately I decided that A) Peach is still pretty damn annoying, always getting kidnapped and B) Peach has only gotten hot in recent years. Before that she was obnoxiously saccharine, bland, and no matter what incarnation, her voice was grating. She only achieved notoriety with me by donning skimpy bathing suits and tennis outfits in fan art. I probably wasn’t supposed to write that part.

    Rosalina, however, has always been hot. She’s tall, motherly, wise, and mysterious. She has pale skin, and a cute lock of hair over her eye. She’s one of the deepest Super Mario characters as well. Her family is dead, and the revelation that her mother “is sleeping under the tree” is heart-breaking. She becomes lost in the stars, mother to an orphan luma, and tries to fill the void in her life with “children”. I think I might have the thing girls get where start falling for “projects”, people that needs fixing, that can be healed with love. But don’t tell my wife that.

    I don’t usually go for blonds, but there’s something about her wispy hair, her elegant dress, and her kind smile that does it for me.

    9. Gadget

    Go ahead. Laugh at me. Get creeped out. Point to the bestiality implications. Call me a furry. I don’t care. Gadget is an ideal woman and here’s why: she is unlike any other woman of her era.

    Remember the context of the Disney Afternoon here — our other candidates for primary female role are as follows:

    ·DuckTales‘s Webby — an obnoxious, whiny brat.

    ·Tale Spin‘s Rebecca Cunningham, a bossy bitch, and her obnoxious, whiny brat daughter.

    ·Darkwing Duck‘s Gosalyn, a whiny, obnoxious (adopted) brat who thinks she’s a boy.

    ·Goof Troop with… did that even have females?

    Author’s Note: I didn’t watch Gummi Bears so I have no idea about that one. But since it took place in a medieval fantasy setting, I’m willing to bet the women roles were not terribly strong.

    So you see, except for Chip ‘n Dale’s Rescue Rangers, all female characters did were grab an idiot ball or precociously wander into danger to provide a plot point. Gadget was a cool drink of water in a desert of stereotypes.

    But being a breath of fresh air doesn’t make any top ten lists. What does is the fact that Gadget not only broke her stereotypes — both for being a token woman and a mad scientist — but did so with an abundance of heart. In every episode, she is portrayed as intelligent, down-to-earth, quirky, capable, and always thinking. But she is also flawed, scatter-brained, and naively ignorant. The first thing she says when the boys try to recruit her is “Excuse me! You’re all standing! Here, let me make you a chair.”

    Yes, there were some times where being the only woman in the group led to some tropes that took advantage of her gender — like where she has to go undercover as a gangster’s moll. But these become neutralized when the plot skews when Dale comes in, also dressed as a moll and providing competition — even though they’re on the same side! But that’s more a comment on the quality of the show than Gadget herself.

    And what is Gadget herself? Let’s ignore the rodent and size factor here. Imagine Gadget as a normal, human woman in the real world. She would be… AWESOME!!!1! It would be like Felicia Day with an engineering degree. Along with the cool-headed rationality, the sweetly naive way of thinking, the attention to detail that most women people lack. You tell her your coffee machine’s broken, she’ll make you a new one that also has a grinder, cappuccino maker, frother, and a clock. She’s Zooey Deschanel with the look of Taylor Swift.

    Gadget doesn’t have a great body. She never wears a dress, and she never wears make-up. She doesn’t NEED to (mostly because she’s a mouse and that would be weird). But also, because she’s a great person all the same. Now before this becomes the Gadget fan club, let’s move on.

    I’m sorry, but they’ll be a lot more anime girls on this list before we’re done. It’s not like it’s misplaced. I am somewhere between an otaku and simply an aficionado of awesome stuff. Cowboy Bebop is made for people like that. Faye Valentine is made for people like that.

    Japan is very strange with the way it makes women. Sometimes they’re weak stereotypes. Sometimes they’re strong and independent. Faye is both — a self-proclaimed “romani” who smartly uses her sex appeal to her advantage, like con jobs and gambling hoodwinks. She sets up residence on the bounty hunter’s starship as if she’s entitled. But she takes as much abuse as she dishes out. Both for humor and for pathos.

    Once she gets to know the crew, she becomes genuinely concerned about them. In the mid-season episode, she gets involved the central storyline via a character from the past. This leads her to becoming genuinely concerned for people’s safety. Besides sun-tanning and facials, she has to put up with the lack of food, the indifference of her partners, and the strangeness of Ed rubbing her face on her thigh.

    And she has her own ghosts to deal with. The global past of Bebop is tied directly to her, but you don’t know it until it’s revealed slowly throughout (and I won’t spoil it for you).

    Beyond that, Faye is a beautiful woman. Yes, she’s kind of a sex object, but she owns that. She’s in control of that. And while she’s spunky and haughty, you can tell she’s an adult woman with fears. She’s not just a bitch because she’s a bitch.

    Now Tinkerbell might be a bitch because she’s a bitch. And I’m talking about the dyed-in-the-wool 1953 Disney version of Tinkerbell. Not the straight-to-video “Pixie Hollow” version (where she talks, heaven forfend). Not the elfish Julia Roberts version. Not the Mary Martin flashlight version. The version that actually got jealous, got mad, got even (then got sorry, then got back with her abusive boyfriend).

    She communicates through bell tinkles. She never speaks, and no, I’m not going to make a comment about women talking too much. Probably a lot of her attractiveness comes in her impossible hourglass figure, titillating leaf dress, and a hairstyle that communicates not beauty, but business. The movie treats her sole purpose of existence to prvide fairy dust (but I like that in the book, she’s actually a mender of pots and pans).

    My primary exposure to Tinkerbell was not through the whole of the movie, but through a scene in one of the many pre-Disney Channel network clip show specials (like Disney Valentine, Disney music, etc.) where Tink voyeurs on Peter and Wendy getting flirty in front of Peter’s shadow.

    If you focus on that scene you get a lot of woman personality, which was hard to find in that time period that wasn’t… well, wasn’t like Wendy. Wendy was demure, motherly (a little bossy), properly British, and innocent. Tinker Bell was not. She has a vindictive streak when she pulls Wendy’s hair, a vain streak when she examines herself in the mirror (a hand mirror in the drawer she’s stuck in) and thinks her butt’s too big, and a comic streak when she tries to get out of the drawer and falls over herself.

    I like Tinker Bell because she’s not like all the other girls. She has some problems, some meanness, but she’s beautiful. Also, it’s spelled Tinker Bell, not Tinkerbell, like I’ve been doing it all these years. Who knew?