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Things I Think About

According to the game Lordle, the word “boner” is somewhere in the Lord of the Rings books.

Could Taylor Swift be a real-life Dazzler from X-Men?

My wife told me, compared to Our Flag Means Death, I look masculine. So I’ve got that going for me, which is nice.

No one believes they are evil because every side thinks they are the good guy. That’s fine. But a plan to help people shouldn’t mean having to hurt others. A plan like that is not a good plan. That’s how you tell if you’re evil or not.

Wicked is a movie based on a musical based on a book based on a movie based on a play based on a book. Everything is a remix, even the remixes.

There’s a big kerfuffle being made right now about transgender athletes in sports, whether its fair to let someone born a man identifying as a woman compete against other women (see the South Park episode about it, guest starring Macho Man Randy Savage). It’s an interesting ethical question, but it’s a non-issue.

For one thing, if a trans woman is in women’s sports and just blowing people away, someone’s going to investigate. They’ll look for PEDs, game-fixing, faulty equipment, etc. And if it turns out to be a matter of biology, it’ll just become the new standard, the new limit to break. No one’s saying Usain Bolt can’t compete because he has unusual biology.

For another, the numbers just aren’t there. For every 500,000 collegiate athletes in the U.S., ten are trans. That’s .002%. That’s one out of every 50,000 people. That’s hard to visualize that so let me try to help.

Imagine an average baseball stadium filled to capacity. That’s only 42,000 people. Imagine eight thousand more are in the walkways looking for food or just standing and talking. Now look at all those people. Only one is trans.

Here it is another way. The University of Michigan has the most athletes of any college in the country. That means, out of 40,000 students, 10,000 are athletes. Of those 10,000, only a certain number participate in varsity sports (i.e. the sports that matter). One source says 792, another says 900, so we’ll meet in the middle with 850. Of those 850 collegiate varsity athletes, both mens’ and womens’, about eight to ten would be trans (assuming the same .95% mentioned here, but that report’s four years old so I would assume a few more).

If the entire student body was a real person’s body, this would be like the end of a toe. You would need 57 more University of Michigans before you are guaranteed to find one–one–trans athlete who can compete at a championship level over someone not trans. You have a better chance of being struck by lightning than being or seeing someone defeated by a trans athlete. You’re fussing over a trans toe.

Even if all ten of those people are acting in bad faith (i.e. people with men’s biologies competing in women’s sports), are they putting up Katie Ledecky numbers? Ilona Mahers and Imane Khelif have proven you can be 100% female and still wreck shit. A body is a body is a body, and it’s clear that any given body might or might not have what it takes to win a sport, regardless of its gender.

Fun fact about me: I wasn’t sure if Richard Simmons was a girl or a boy until I was about ten or eleven. Then I realized his first name was “Richard”.

The premise of God’s Not Dead doesn’t make sense. One would have to prove He was alive in the first place. That is unknowable. Or is the professor saying there is no reason to believe in God in this age of science? Then he’s challenging the student to present a logical/rational argument to believe in God. Assuming everything that exists in the universe can be explained with science, one still has to ask “what came before? There is no such thing as “time” before that, there’s no way to know. Therefore, this movie is stupid. QED.

Even though I’m six feet tall, I think I may be a hobbit. I live in a hole in the ground (my basement), at this age and medication, I prefer food over women, I eat throughout the day.

The problem with what I call the “street level” Marvel Universe (Jessica Jones, Luke Cage, Echo, The Punisher, Defenders) is that no one dies. They take unbelievable amounts of punishment and abuse and injury, but no death. In Daredevil: Born Again, Bullseye takes a dive off a four-story building, lands headfirst. Not dead. Kingpin gets shot in the face. Not dead. Daredevil gets crushed by a collapsing cave. Not dead. Punisher gets shot and knifed and beaten. Not dead. Takes me right out of the story.

There are no good stories about hippos. There are stories about elephants, cheetahs, spiders, bears, dogs. No hippos.

If World War II was a Dungeons and Dragons campaign, England would be the human fighter (straight-laced, no-nonsense, firm and strategic), France would be an elf rogue (deceptive like ‘la resistance’, beautiful, artful), and America would be a dwarf wizard (stout and high constitution, works loud and plays loud, eager to cast Fireball). Not sure what the Axis would be yet. One of them is probably a barbarian, but I’m not sure who.

Addams Family + Beetlejuice crossover. Someone needs to write that.

Eric Juneau is a software engineer and novelist on his lunch breaks. In 2016, his first novel, Merm-8, was published by eTreasures. He lives in, was born in, and refuses to leave, Minnesota. You can find him talking about movies, video games, and Disney princesses at http://www.ericjuneaubooks.com where he details his journey to become a capital A Author.

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