• My Kindertrauma: Creepshow

    Pretty much something from each element in this movie showed up in one childhood nightmare or another. Like all the other Kindertrauma in my life, I blame my mother. But not for the reasons you think. She was attending college and took a class in horror movies. That meant trips to the video store and not caring if we were in the same room as her or not. There’ll be more on this later, but thanks to her ambitions, I got exposed to several episodes of Tales from the Crypt, Tales from the Darkside, Halloween, Bram Stoker’s Dracula, and others. Bad enough I’d already been warped from VHS boxes and…

  • large marge pee wee's big adventure

    My Kindertrauma: Large Marge

    Probably the definition of true kindertrauma. I can’t think of anything more iconic than this nightmare fuel. I remember distinctly fast-forwarding through this part when I watched it on VHS. It was just too scary. It’s bad enough that stop-motion is creepy-looking as hell (see House on Haunted Hill for a great example). There’s not much I can say about it that hasn’t been said. Let’s break it down, see if that helps. The movie’s had some dark areas up to this point, but nothing ridiculous. Pee Wee hitchhikes with a criminal, but has to dress in drag to get past a roadblock. There are a few odd visual gags…

  • ghoulies video box cover

    My Kindertrauma: Ghoulies

    When I was little, there was a video store not too far from our house. I can’t remember what it was called. Mr. Movies? Video Update? I know it wasn’t a Blockbuster because the color scheme was red and white. Anyway, as those who grew up among VHS knows the place was like an art museum. It wasn’t bad enough to have enough selection to give a nine-year-old option paralysis or sucker him into picking “My Pet Monster“. But they had to make every rectangle a beautiful magical portal to another world, each more enticing than the next. And no section had more intrigue than the Horror section. I mean,…

  • blood shower drain

    My Kindertrauma: The Hippo Song

    You know what they don’t have anymore? Children’s music. I mean, I don’t think it was ever popular, but it existed. I guess it’s because children don’t have disposable income, and parents don’t want to listen to that kind of dreck. Also, there’s no avenue for kids to pick up new stuff. When I was your age, we had a thing called the radio to hear new music. By the time they’re old enough to operate YouTube they find stuff like Willow Smith and Justin Bieber. The closest equivalent, Radio Disney, well… it doesn’t play kid’s music. I looked at the Top 30 chart and all the names I recognize…